


The blood that ties us

by Frisk15



Series: Family Hodgepodge [2]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Danny thinks he's damaged goods, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Miscarriage, Mpreg, Post Mpreg, Totally unscientific explanation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-23
Updated: 2015-08-23
Packaged: 2018-04-16 19:25:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4637379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Frisk15/pseuds/Frisk15
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which it turns out Danny is not exactly WYSIWYG (What You See Is What You Get)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> *! TRIGGER WARNING !* - This story deals with (the aftermath of) miscarriage, loss and grief. Please do not read if this will cause emotional upset!
> 
> This fills the 'grief' square of my H/C Bingo card

* * *

***! TRIGGER WARNING !* - This story deals with (the aftermath of) miscarriage, loss and grief. Please do not read if this will cause emotional upset!**

* * *

 

The water is still tinged red, going around the toilet bowl in lazy circles before being sucked down and disappearing. He takes his hand of the flush valve and finds it's shaking. For just one moment he wants to rewind the events of the past hours, wants to be able to just pause and then stop at - or rather, _before_ \- the specific point when he'd realized what was happening.

Wants to fix things, even though he doesn't know how to...

Closing his eyes, he relives the moment he woke up, mind fuzzy, frowning because he didn't understand why he was awake, then gasping at the unexpected pain in his abdomen which caused him to double up. He'd moaned, then felt the wetness between his legs, the sticky sheets.

Throwing back the covers, teeth chattering in shock, he'd caught a glimpse of the dark stains on his bed as he made his way to the bathroom, stopping halfway as another severe cramp turned his legs to jelly.

_This couldn't be happening!_

He managed to make it to the toilet, then sat down and cried, sobbed in anguish as his body expelled the remnants of the tiny life which had been growing inside him.

And for every subsequent visit to the bathroom that night, another piece of his heart was shredded.

 

* * *

 

"Hey, brah. I was already wondering why things were so quiet here this morning." Chin's voice translates the grin which is certain to be pasted on his face, and Danny hangs his head, holding his cell phone away from his ear. Then he swallows and continues to talk.

"Yeah, ehm ... I'm calling to say I won't be in today. I've, eh ... I ate something which doesn't agree with my stomach, and I prefer to do the toilet runs in the privacy of my own home." He feels a blush rise in his cheeks at the obvious lie, glad Chin can't see it.

Chin now sounds concerned. "Will you be OK? Do you need one of us to come over, go to the store?"

Shaking his head, Danny smiles. This is Five-0's _ohana_ aspect that both Chin and Kono refer to so often, the 'family bond' which fuels the incredible and strong team spirit of the task force he joined several months ago.

"No, I'll be fine. I've got everything I need here at the apartment."

They exchange a few more pleasantries _("So you'll be fine?" "Yes." "Sure you don't need anything?" "No, I'm good." "Want me to send the boss over so he can hold your hand?" "If you're interested in a slow, torturous death, then by all means. Otherwise, NO!")_ and then end the call.

 

* * *

 

Leaning back against the couch, Danny tries to stop the whirlwind in his mind, tries to grab his thoughts one at a time and place them in order.

He remembers the sharp twinge he'd felt a few nights ago when clambering over a fence after Rachel - showing a surprising amount of empathy and some quick thinking - had diverted the attention of the suspects whose house he'd been in, realizes now in hindsight how uncomfortable he'd been running to catch one of the diamond robbing cyclists that next day, opting to shove an object in front of the bicycle rather than using physical force.

He'd thought the vague but annoying cramping pain in his lower back was the result of an inadvertently pulled muscle, had decided the general sensation of feeling' not quite right' had been due to having spent an inordinate amount of time with Rachel, of being there together with Steve ...

_Steve. Oh God !_

How will he tell him? Does he _have_ to tell him? Should Steve even know that their first meeting in the garage - when both had been under the influence of the weird chemicals John McGarrett had found and then inadvertently released into the house, causing two total strangers to make out like sex-starved junkies in the back of that old Mercury - hasn't been without consequences after all?

Consequences which Steve (and let's be honest, Danny as well) thought were allayed by his impulsive decision to accept the Governor's offer to head a task force, and then deciding - no, _forcing_ \- Danny to become part of said task force. A plan which Danny thought would never work; yet for some strange reason, had.

The four of them coming together - combining their individual skills and characters and backgrounds - resulted in something extraordinary, something so _powerful_ that, months later, they themselves still were taken aback by it. And the relationship between Danny and Steve ...

Well, there hadn't _been_ a relationship to start with. They had agreed to ignore the events in the garage, logic dictating that those memories be erased somehow, and act like nothing had happened. At least, that was their intention. But intention or not, that same day - a day filled with shouting and running and even _getting shot_ \- Danny had caught himself looking at Steve in a manner which was, well, directly spitting logic in the eye.

He'd quickly gone to his apartment to change - seeing how running around in a torn, blood-stained shirt really didn't look all that professional - and then picked up some surveillance material before going over to Steve at the McGarrett house. The moment Danny entered the front door, the memories of their first meeting - flashes of _heat_ and _sweat_ and _bare skin on skin_ \- had clawed their way back up from the deepest part of his mind where he had stuffed them down.

It had unnerved him, and he'd only partially followed Steve's explanation about custom made footwear, basically cutting off the discourse by nervously quipping that Steve's brain must be a miserable place before stating he needed a beer and escaping to the lanai.

And then when Steve came out, handing him a beer before carrying his own as well as a clean t-shirt towards the chairs standing at the little private beach, Danny's breath had caught in his throat as Steve stripped while walking; had been unable to breathe as he felt his guts clench with something which could only be described as pure, non-chemically induced _lust_ as he watched the muscles play over Steve's naked back; had been unable to move ...

Then Danny _had_ moved, desperate to avoid being caught in an awkward moment, had walked quickly to catch up with Steve, then studiously looked out over the water, forcing himself to avert his eyes while he sensed him change into the fresh shirt. And then, only then, when he knew Steve was dressed and asked him about the meaning of 'Danno' had he turned around again.

They had talked about Danny's insecurity with regard to parenthood, and the look Steve had given him, the way he had cocked his head and kept those beautiful green-blue eyes locked on Danny, giving him his complete attention, had nearly been his undoing. There had been more there than just professional courtesy, more than just an interest in a partner's thoughts.

Danny had felt the tension rise, had felt the air become charged with electricity, and he'd been on the verge of setting down his beer and get up to walk to Steve to ...

The phone's shrill ring tore through the charged air, and when Steve looked down at the display and then back up at Danny again, his eyes showed his regret at having to take the call.

"That's us."

Danny had silently groaned.

 

* * *

 

During the subsequent weeks more and more of those moments happened, and Danny was coming to the conclusion that, even though the chemicals might have intensified the reaction they had to each other back at the garage, the ground work for their actions had already been in place.

There was a very obvious attraction between them.

Slowly but surely, the border between work and private became more blurred, more vague as Danny found himself spending an increasing amount of time at - what now was - Steve's place, enjoying having a beer with him, enjoying having dinner with him, enjoying _being_ with him.

The ever-increasing sexual tension between them was translated in a growing number of arguments and heated discussions, setting everybody's teeth on edge until one hot afternoon Chin marched up to Danny with a stiff-legged gait and totally uncharacteristically whispered in a fierce tone: "Brah, I'll even put a fresh pair of sheets on a bed if that's what it takes to get you two together, because this is driving me _crazy_ !"

Danny aspirated half the mug of coffee he had been drinking, spraying the brown liquid all over his desk as he watched Chin stalk out again, his eyes the size of saucers as they followed his team mate.

Had it been _that_ obvious?

"As obvious as the Boss Man's Mini-Me showing an interest whenever you bend over the main PC table," Kono had remarked dryly when he dared ask her, causing him to gag and nearly choke on one of the malasadas she'd been feeding them that morning. She'd calmly smacked his back until he was able to inhale air again, and had merely smirked at his bitten "Evil woman!" as he escaped to his office.

Danny had walked into Steve's office a while later, parking his butt on the desk. "We need to talk about, you know ... this." His hand waved between the two of them, and his direct statement had caused Steve to look up nervously, then swallow as he nodded his head.

"Yeah, we do. It's just that ..."

Steve had glanced at Danny, then looked down at his hands which were clenching and unclenching. Danny had felt a rush of anxiety, scared that Steve would launch into a monologue about why _this_ was not a good idea, about how _this_ would jeopardize their work relations. He'd let out a sigh of relief when Steve's next words proved him wrong.

"I'm not very good at relationships, and to be honest, that time in the garage ..."

Danny had grinned. "Babe, the fact that you're emotionally stunted is something which all of us here have figured out by now, so no need to explain the obvious." Then he'd smiled at the man at the desk, reaching down to touch his hand. "I also know that you usually don't 'swing that way'; despite things being a bit hazy, I did grasp that much during our, ehm, _encounter_."

The way Steve had glanced up from between those long eyelashes had melted his insides, the look a sweet and honest combination of trust and insecurity - now _there_ were a bunch of terms usually not associated with Lieutenant-Commander "Let's Go Blow Something Up" McGarrett - which seemed to be aimed straight at his heart.

"I just don't want to disappoint you, Danno."

Danny had leaned over, placing both hands on either side of Steve's face before giving him a long, deep kiss which left both of them breathless.

"You, Mister, could _never_ disappoint me!"

 

* * *

 

And now, now Danny would have to disappoint _Steve_ ; disappoint the man who had _trusted_ Danny enough to be willing to strip down his tough outer layer and bare his soul, secure in the knowledge that Danny wouldn't take advantage of him. Until this ...

How would this affect the slow but steady progress towards the obvious and bound-to-happen relationship between the two of them? How would Steve react when he found out that Daniel Williams could _breed_ ?

There weren't many of them, men like Danny, men called Breeders. Scientists had explained their existence as a remnant of an evolutionary solution in times when men outnumbered women, saying it was Nature's 'fix' to prevent whole tribes and even peoples dying out because there just weren't enough babies being born.

Nature had solved the problem by installing a switch somewhere along the XY distribution, adding some extra chromosomal information which resulted in 'breeders', males who were born with a womb-like organ and reproductive organs like a female and 'switched' gender during adolescence. Not quite females, not quite males but 'inbetweeners'.

They hadn't been around very long, scientists said, the 'fix' not as effective as Nature intended it to be, and the chromosomal aberration had all but disappeared. Sometimes, however, a baby boy would still be born with this _vestigial_ , this now evolutionary unnecessary characteristic. A bit like the _coccyx_ or 'tail bone' still present in all humans.

The Breeders born these days would usually just have part of the characteristics, either a vestigial womb, or the reproductive organs, or sometimes even just the extra orifice through which a Breeder could both conceive or give birth. And most times, these would be inactive.

All this had been patiently explained to both Danny and his parents when, aged fifteen, he'd suddenly started bleeding from his nether regions. When Danny had been thoroughly examined after their panicked rush to the hospital, they had been introduced to a very kind female geneticist who had run a battery of tests on Danny.

The end result - oh joy! - was that Danny was not only one of those rare Breeders, but in his case a Breeder with all of the accompanying attributes intact and fully functional.

It had shocked them to the core.

There had been plenty of decisions to make; operate/not operate, remove/not remove, gender change to female or not. In the end Danny's very obvious _male_ dominant attributes - even though he possessed far more gentler character traits than other males in his family - had helped decide that he would remain Daniel instead of being turned into _Daniella_.

He'd received hormone-based medication to render the Breeder attributes non-active, and by the time he had been in his early Twenties, his three-month cycle of bleeding had not only slowed down but stopped altogether. Things had been set right.

Or so he had hoped.

 

* * *

 

Hope.

Something Danny now latches on to with a fierce and urgent desperation.

Hope that Steve will not shy away from him because, yeah, he _has_ to tell him this; needs to be honest about things if he wants to stand even the smallest chance that Steve will want to continue down the road they have been traveling together.

But first, first he needs to do something else.

He needs to grieve.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Steve's world is turned upside down.

* * *

There's something wrong with Danny. He's been way too quiet since he returned to work several days ago, HQ's walls not reverberating with the echoes of his usual rants and tantrums. Chin and Kono have noticed it too, as he catches them staring at Danny with bemused looks on their faces.

Danny Williams is not himself, is just an empty, hollow shell of the man they all know.

Sighing, Steve gets up and walks towards Danny's office, stopping for a moment as he notices the far-off look on the face of the man sitting behind the desk. He frowns as he sees him sigh, a deep, stuttering sigh as if he has been crying, or is about to do so. Then he steps into the office.

"Hey." The little smile which appears on Danny's face is sweet, almost wistful. Steve can see dark bruises underneath his eyes, a sign he hasn't been sleeping well. He also sees the deep furrows running along Danny's mouth, almost as if ...

"Are you in pain, Danny? Did you hurt yourself, or got an injury you didn't tell me about? Are you _ill_ ?" Steve's voice sounds anxious, already playing several scenarios in his head, scenarios in which Danny has contracted some deadly disease and now is _dying_ and won't burden his partner with the knowledge, which is _stupid!_ because Steve will always be ...

Danny holds up a hand. "Whoa! Stop those thoughts right there, babe!" He smiles. "For an emotionally stunted individual, you do have the tendency to carry your heart right on your face, you know. I could actually _see_ what you were thinking. And no, I'm not dying." Not that he had not wished for that several times over the past few days, but no, not dying.

"Then what?" Steve grabs a chair, plunking down in it, and Danny knows he won't leave his office until he's at least partially satisfied that Danny Williams is OK. An endearing, and yes, sometimes annoying character trait.

"It's ... it's complicated."

Steve snorts. "I can do complicated, you know. Some of the missions I did, even though I can't give you the details, required precision planning, and ..." Danny grunts, the sound stopping Steve in mid-sentence.

"I never said you couldn't do complicated, Steven. On the contrary, you're about the most complicated man I've ever met." Danny winks at him, a hint of his old self shining through.

Frowning, Steve scrutinizes him. "OK, so we've established the fact that you're not dying and I'm some sort of emotionally handicapped yet complicated person, but you still haven't told me what's wrong." He taps the desk with his fingers, drawing Danny's attention to them like a cat to a mouse. Steve still doesn't like the look on Danny's face, still doesn't like the way his mouth seems to unconsciously become tight-lipped from time to time, as if he's occasionally wracked by agony.

"You are in _pain_ though, right?" The quick flash of blue eyes in his direction, followed by a little sigh only serve to confirm his suspicion. "Right. You need to see a doctor then. Have you been to a doctor, Danny?" The shake of the head only fuels his determination. "You're going to the hospital. _Now!_ And I'm personally driving you there."

As Steve frog marches Danny towards the exit, he catches him mumbling "As if you driving is a new experience" under his breath, but decides to ignore it.

He's too worried about Danny's well-being.

* * *

Steve gets his first surprise - well, _shock_ actually - during Danny's intake, when the short detective specifically asks for the in-house geneticist, blushing while he does so. Frowning, Steve takes a place next to Danny. A geneticist? So Danny has some sort of genetic condition. Why doesn't Steve know about this? Why hasn't Danny told him that, or isn't it listed in his medical files? Steve knows Danny's medical files, has read them on several occasions.

There's nothing in there about genetic ailments.

Frowning, Steve mentally goes over the many possibilities, or at least the ones he is _aware_ of, while he sits next to Danny as they patiently wait for Dr. Mallory, Queen's Medical Geneticist to arrive. When he does, all 6'4" and hulking joviality of him, Steve is surprised when Danny nods an affirmation to Mallory's question if Danny's partner is supposed to join them.

He follows in their wake, mind awhirl.

Steve gets his second shock when Danny, a very quiet and almost meek Danny, proceeds to tell Mallory that he's a Breeder. Steve has heard the term before, but he's pretty unsure what it means. The conversation between Danny and the now exited geneticist is hard to follow, as they're using terms which are totally unfamiliar to him, but he does know the term 'gynecologist' when Mallory throws Danny a serious look and suggests he'd be examined by one.

When Danny nods, Mallory picks up the phone and hurriedly starts talking to somebody.

Putting a hand on Danny's arm, Steve leans over and whispers to him. "A _gynecologist_ , Danny? Why on earth would you need to be examined by a gynecologist? What's going on?" Danny throws him a sad little smile and seems to be on the verge of explaining things, when Mallory gets up and motions to them to follow him.

Walking down the hallway, Steve tries to put things together, tries to add what he knows now so it starts making sense, but he just can't wrap his mind around it. Mallory points at a door, then leaves them in the hallway after stating that he first needs to speak to his colleague. They find a seat in the waiting area.

"Danny, I'm sorry, but I'm not following _any_ of this." Steve throws his partner a worried frown. "What's ... what's a _breeder_ , and how come you seem to be one, and what does all of that _mean_ anyway?" Again, Danny seems to be on the verge of explaining things when the door opens and Mallory's head pops out, nodding at Danny.

This time, Steve is not allowed to come with him.

* * *

The examination seems to take forever, at one point interrupted by a clearly audible shout by Danny who hollers that something is _Fucking cold!_ after which things go quiet again. Steve strains to hear what's going on, but the walls are well-insulated and he has basically resigned himself to having to wait forever when the door opens and Danny comes out, again accompanied by Mallory.

Danny turns around and bites an irritated "Next time, warm it up, woman!" to somebody Steve can't see, then sighs and walks towards the waiting area.

"Well, as far as experiences go, _that_ one definitely won't make it on to my Favorites List."

Steve quickly glances at Mallory, who smirks a little, then looks back at Danny. "You OK?" And for the first time that day, Danny shakes his head.

"No, Steven. I'm definitely not OK." Danny holds up a hand when Steve draws in his breath in shock, a rueful little smile appearing on his tired face. "But I will be, babe. No need to worry, OK? It will all be fine in the end."

Mallory motions to them to follow him again, and they dutifully get up and follow the hulking man back to his office, where they sit down. Mallory folds his hands, then throws Danny a look which is both serious and - Steve's not sure he analyzes that quite right - compassionate.

Then Steve receives his third and biggest shock of the day.

"I'm afraid you were right, Mr. Williams. You have, indeed, suffered a miscarriage."

All Steve can do is breathe, his mouth dropped open, his eyebrows nearly touching his hairline. A _miscarriage_ ? He looks at Danny, "But, how ... I mean, that's just not _possible_. Is it?" Steve looks back at Dr. Mallory, sees the cautious, neutral set of his features, then looks at back at Danny again, who just swallows and averts his eyes, bowing his head.

Then Steve mentally _kicks_ himself as he continues to look at the bowed head, the pained and sad expression on his partner's face. No matter how shocked he might be right now, no matter how _little_ he understands of what's going on, it has been _Danny_ who went through what must have been a horrifying ordeal, all by himself.

Steve cautiously places his hand on Danny's shoulder. "Danno, I'm so _sorry_. I mean, I don't know how or why or ... or who, but you should have called somebody. You should've called _me_. You shouldn't have gone through that by yourself."

The blue eyes that look back up at him are filled with unshed tears, and Danny's voice sounds cracked around the edges, even as he attempts the smallest of smiles. "The 'how' and 'who' part should be pretty obvious, Steven. The garage?" Realization floods through Steve as the memories of their encounter rush back at him, and he blushes.

Mallory coughs, and Steve glances at him, feeling way outside his comfort zone.

"If you want, Lieutenant-Commander, I can explain the 'why' to you if you wish." Mallory looks at Danny. "If, of course, Mr. Williams doesn't object to me doing so."

Danny shakes his head, and Steve finds himself listening to Mallory as he explains the freak decision by Nature to install certain female characteristics in a small percentage of males, characteristics which - even though all but erased by evolution - still popped up from time to time.

Had popped up in _Danny_.

And then another realization hits Steve. Not only has Danny been carrying a child - and that information alone shakes the very foundations Steve thought his world was built on - but it had been _his_ child!

Steve looks back at Danny and catches a glance, a look on his face which speaks of hope and fear and defeat and an immeasurable sadness, and Steve suddenly knows that, even though Danny must've been going through _hell_ because of this ordeal, he is still _going_ through hell because, because he thinks ...

Gently placing an arm around his partner's shoulders, Steve leans over to him, whispering. "Did you think I would _leave_ you? Leave you because I didn't _know_ \- and God knows I still need to wrap my mind around all of this, because honestly, this is about the _weirdest_ shit I've ever come across - but did you think I would leave you because I'd consider you a _freak_ or something?"

Danny lets out a shuddering sigh, then looks up at Steve, his blue eyes really awash with tears now. "Yes, Steven. That's what I thought. And I'd understand if you did." He swallows. "I'll understand if you'll still decide to just ... just leave things be."

A hushed silence enters the room, the three men each holding their breaths in anticipation, each waiting for something inevitable to happen.

Steve blinks a couple of times, thinking how drastically his world has just changed, how all his expectations - one of them never having a child of his own, because, well, because he really never saw _that_ one happen - and set-in-stone convictions of how the world _should_ work have been brought down.

Yet, instead of feeling devastated, of feeling angry and hopelessly lost - OK, he _does_ feel a little lost right now, but hey, that's to be expected - he discovers a tiny spark somewhere inside of him, a little flame that warms a part of him he has never really been acquainted with.

It whispers _family_.

He swallows, then tightens the hold on Danny's shoulders as he looks at Mallory, frowning because it looks as if the big man is close to tears himself. Steve coughs, then watches Mallory regain a hold of his emotions again as he asks him a question.

"This pregnancy, or rather, the ehm, miscarriage ... does Danny ... I mean, will Danny be able to conceive again?"

Steve feels Danny tighten up beside him, hangs on to his shoulders while continuing to look at Mallory, studiously avoiding having to look at his partner. Mallory frowns, then places both hands on his desk.

"From what we, the gynecologist and I, have been able to gather from our preliminary examinations, Mr. Williams has not suffered any lasting damage to his reproductive organs. Or to any of the other, ehm, _Breeder_ characteristics he has. As a matter of fact, he's well on his way to healing, and all seems to be in healthy and functioning order. Although we're pretty surprised at the latter, considering the hormonal regime Mr. Williams went through when he was a teenager."

Steve nods, then looks down at Danny, trying to read his reaction. The blue eyes are still filled with tears, and Steve frowns, afraid he might have said something which has upset Danny even more. He's just about to apologize when Danny holds up a hand.

"I'm, eh ... I'm not sure what it is you just asked, Steven. Or what it even _means_."

Steve smiles. "It means, Danny Williams, that not only am I not planning on leaving you, but I would really, _really_ like to try and have another child with you again. If you agree with that, of course."

It's done. The inevitable thing has happened. Lieutenant-Commander Steven J. McGarrett has not only committed himself to a relationship, a relationship with a _man_ nonetheless, but he's just committed himself to wanting to be a _parent_ as well.

Scrutinizing Danny's face, Steve looks for the slightest hesitation, the slightest sign of doubt. He finds none. Instead, it seems as if the sadness has been wiped clean off Danny's face, having been replaced with a look of sheer joy, of deep and soul-warming love.

Danny smiles at him. Then he grins.

"You know, Chin and Kono are going to be very, _very_ happy when they hear this."

For just one second, Steve doesn't understand what Danny means. How can Chin and Kono be happy about Danny just having gone through ...

Danny pokes him in the side with his elbow. "Not _that_ , you idiot. I meant the fact that we're now in a relationship."

Steve smiles. Yes, they will be very happy with that. But they will never be as happy as he is right now.

He leans down and kisses Danny.

Life is going to be good.


End file.
